Insert Sexy Mantra Here
by xMrsxNejixHyugax
Summary: Allen signs him and Kanda up for a session of couple's yoga, guaranteeing a "physical release".  "Allen was desperate not to do it on the back lawn during yoga class. Kanda, on the other hand, was very much willing."
1. Chapter 1

"Insert Sexy Mantra here"

Allen signs him and Kanda up for a session of couple's yoga, guaranteeing a "physical release".

I actually did a bunch of research on this to get the names of the moves and what yoga helps remedy (lower back pain). ENJOY WITH A BAGUETTE

On a particularly sunny day in Dark Headquarters, four friends were sitting at a lunch table talking and eating animatedly. Except for one Kanda Yuu, who was being more antagonistic than usual.

"Kanda, is everything alright?" Allen Walker stopped stuffing his face for a moment to look at his boyfriend, concerned. Flecks of mashed potato mixed with barbeque sauce from the ribs with some red substance- ketchup, Kanda supposed, were evident on Allen's face. Frankly, it was off-putting but Allen's expressing was so endearingly worried that the remnants of lunch on his mouth simply added to the overall charm and cuteness of his boyfriend.

But instead, the Japanese teen hunched over, cringing in reply. "Are you hurt?" Allen was automatically feeling his chest and back. "It's my lower back," Kanda said at last. "It's been hurting for a while."

Allen scrunched up his face in concentration, thinking, until he lit up. "It's probably from our last mission. We had to sleep in that tent, remember?" Kanda nodded and Allen continued, "It probably didn't help that I was topping y-" He stopped midway due to his boyfriend's ice-cold glare (despite the pain) that said 'Say anything about our sex life and I WILL MAKE SURE YOU WILL NEVER WALK AGAIN'.

Lavi was beside himself. "Y-Yuu let Allen _top_ him? THIS IS- I CAN'T EVEN-" And broke into more peals of laughter, stopping instantly when Mugen and his red cowlick met face to face.

Lenalee piped in cheerfully, "Kanda, Komui's holding a couple's yoga session this week. I think that could help!" Allen agreed. "Lenalee's right, yoga is good for you! I'll go too so don't worry." Kanda was aghast. "Fuck no! Yoga's not gonna help! I can stretch, dammit!" He attempted to demonstrate but winced as soon as he bended forward.

They all eyed him warily. "Kanda...don't be difficult.."

"NO. I AM NOT GOING TO SOME FUCKING PANSY _YOGA_ CLASS, FOR GOD'S SAKE THIS IS _NOT_ HAPPENING-"

Allen whispered something Lavi and Lenalee could only imagine as explicit and dirty promises into their Japanese friend's ear, for he twitched once, turned beet red and was silent.

Only Allen, sitting on Kanda's side of the table, could see the visible hard-on his boyfriend sported. Lovely.

Allen knocked on Kanda's door at precisely 7AM the next morning. Kanda, who had been up meditating since 5, had achieved the _perfect_ state of mind until he opened the door to his cheerful boyfriend wearing nothing but a shiny gold leotard.

Kanda's eyes popped out and a small stream of blood came out of his nose.

"...M-Moyashi..what the _FUCK ARE YOU WEARING_?"

"A leotard," said Allen, smiling brightly, undisturbed.

"You told me to wear something comfortable!" Kanda himself was in a black wifebeater with black basketball shorts. Not that Kanda played basketball.

"This is comfortable!" Allen argued, handing Kanda a hankerchief to wipe the blood with. "Come on, we'll be late. I just need to check the list that Komui gave us."

The night earlier, Komui had given all the people who had signed up a minor list about the Yoga class and what they needed.

"Suitable clothes.. (here Kanda rolled his eyes) water..our own yoga mat..(Allen brought his own) AND A CALM MENTAL STATE OF BEING! CHECK! WE'RE READY!" The younger teen grabbed his reluctant boyfriend's hand and dragged him to the back lawn of the Headquarters.

There were about five other couples there already, including Lavi and Lenalee. Komui and Reever greeted them warmly. "Allen, Kanda, how nice of you to join us! Pick any spot on the lawn. We will begin shortly." Allen chose a spot next to his friends and motioned for Kanda to sit down in the Dhyana pose, with his legs crossed and hands on the side.

_This is absolute bullshit_, thought Kanda grumpily. Even though everyone had their eyes closed Kanda looked around until his gaze rested upon Allen, who was in such a state of concentration that his face was scrunched up in a child-like effort. One eye opened and stared at Kanda. _Concentrate! _he mouthed silently. _This is absolute bullshit! _Kanda mouthed back.

"Kanda, Allen, if you cannot take this seriously I will ask you to leave," said Komui, all without opening his eyes. Kanda gave Allen a 'how-does-he-know' look and Allen shrugged in response.

"Everyone, now that you have found your center, I ask you to switch to a Double Sandwich." Lavi and Allen snorted and Lenalee gave them a look in which they sobered up at once. Komui demonstrated with Reever, setting their feet apart, bending at the knees, their arms outstretched and touching slightly. Allen's pinky curled around Kanda's.

"Now, the Double Standing Straddle." Allen and Kanda stood apart with their backs to each other, slowly bended over, and grasped arms.

The only problem with this particular pose was seeing Allen in that leotard, bent over, panting slightly from the effort.

Kanda Jr. sprang to life. Because their asses were nearly touching, Allen noticed almost immediately. He gave a panicked _Not Now!_ look and looked desperately up at Komui who seemed quite pleased with this position with Reever, not quite willing to switch to another pose that wasn't so...physical.

But it was already too late. Kanda, in his lust-induced haze, had brought their asses together and was rubbing them up and down, methodically, torturously slow. Despite his efforts in trying to rein in his lower parts, Allen Jr. grew visibly in size, to Kanda's satisfaction. He smirked. It was to Allen's immense relief when Komui switched positions...to Double Standing Forward Bend.

Once again, the couple stood with their backs to each other. However it was different from the Double Standing Straddle because the Double Standing Forward Bend was directly opposite to the partner. Kanda was asscheek to asscheek with Allen. The slightest friction between them- that Kanda was voluntarily causing- made sparks fly. _Fuck_, they both thought, but for different reasons. Kanda was smug, Allen was agitated. Both knew they couldn't take much more of this teasing, but only Allen was desperate not to do it on the back lawn during yoga class. Kanda, on the other hand, was very much willing.

Kanda's erection was visible through his black basketball shorts, but Allen's was on a whole other level. His shiny gold leotard concealed nothing, to Kanda's obvious pleasure.

"Dog Hero!" called out Komui. Allen laid down on the dewy grass with his legs folded so they were bent. Kanda towered over him, his arms supporting his body on Allen's thighs. His lower back soreness was completely ignored. Kanda was nearly face to face with a certain anatomy, his breath ghosting over a certain sensitive part. Allen's hands were clutching Kanda's feet tightly in a vice-like grip that had nothing to do with the strain of the pose.

Kanda continued to breathe heavily and torture Allen, who felt the hot ragged breaths straight in his penis. It was already damp with pre-cum. Good thing they had chosen a spot near the back of the lawn. The older Japanese teen had a mischievious glint in his eye that his boyfriend did not like. Then, Kanda looked up, checking to see if Komui or anyone else was looking, before bending _all _the way down to Allen's hard-on and giving an experimental, hot, slow lick.

"FUCK!" All heads turned to Allen, who was moaning. "I..(here he looked around wildly for an excuse, improvising.)..IT HURTS SO GOOD! KOMUI THIS CLASS IS AMAZING! MY BACK PAIN IS GONE!" Komui gave a modest nod and everyone returned to their poses, not noticing that Allen's thighs were trembling and Kanda had a predatory gleam in his eye.

_I will kill you_, said Allen's black look. _As soon as we're done having hot sweaty mansex._

_That I can deal with, _said Kanda's returning leer. Something in them both snapped. Kanda switched positions even though Komui had not given permission to, and spread Allen's legs far apart, rubbing his erection on Allen's spandex covered one directly, prompting another long moan from the younger teen.

"Um..Kanda? Allen?" The couple ignored Komui's weak interjections as Allen slipped Kanda's basketball shorts off easily. He was about to take off his own leotard when Kanda held up a hand.

"I like it," he whispered, before pulling in his lover into a long, passionate kiss. Kanda's full hard-on sprang into view as he turned Allen around and bended him over so Allen's ass was sticking in the air, trembling wildly. Kanda moved the spandex aside and thrusted his penis in to Allen's dripping wet hole.

"OH GOD! D-DO IT AGAIN!" Kanda managed to fist Allen's penis at the same time as the two rutted furiously, his talented fingers giving Allent the handjob of his life. They were both panting and moaning in the clear morning air, their gasps cutting across the lawn.

Allen was in sheer bliss. He sensed the end was coming as Kanda's fingers worked deftly and the thrusting became more desperate. "Ahh-Ah-Ah-Kanda-I'm-I'm coming!" He heard a grunt of agreement before both of them released at the same time, their orgasm washing over the two in waves.

They collapsed onto the grass in a heap, sprawled limbs tangled in a heap. Finally Allen spoke. "I feel great! Yoga really _does _make you feel better!" Kanda begrudgingly made a noise of contentment. "Fuck yeah." Then Allen noticed that the lawn was empty and that the yoga mats had been abandoned in a frantic hurry.

"Hey! Where'd everybody go?"

NOTENOTENOTENOTENOTE

OMG this was the longest story I've written in two hours. I really think I've improved!

Anyway, hope you liked it. I'm also adding an ALTERNATE ENDING (silly stuff) so check back soon!


	2. Alternate Ending

Alternate Ending Chapter (starts when both Allen Jr. and Kanda Jr. come out to play!)

"FUCK!" All heads turned to Allen, who was moaning. "I..(here he looked around wildly for an excuse, improvising.)..IT HURTS SO GOOD! KOMUI THIS CLASS IS AMAZING! MY BACK PAIN IS GONE!" Komui gave a modest nod and everyone returned to their poses.

"Allen...my back needs to stretch a little more- right there-" Kanda grunted with satisfaction as he slowly straddled Allen's lower half and made tight circles with his hips.

"Good job Kanda and Allen!" Komui called out. "A lower hip massage works wonders." Allen's breath hitched as Kanda flipped him over so he was on his back and spread his legs, moaning wantonly.

"Flexibility, everyone. _That _is what we aim to achieve." Komui got off of a disappointed Reever. "Kanda and Allen have it. They've been doing so well, in fact, I think that they've earned couple privileges. You two are exempt from the rest of the lesson plan today."

"Aww, they've just been fucking!" Lavi whined, but was instantly quieted by a look from Lenalee. "Lavi, can't you see? They've reached the enlightened stage where they're combining yoga and massage, something _we _haven't figured out yet!"

Lavi muttered underneath his breath, "The only reason we haven't reached the 'enlightened stage' yet is 'cause your brother won't let me get past first base with yo-" "Hm?" "Nothing." He resumed the Lotus pose, sulking.

The crisp morning air was punctuated with Allen's cries "Ah- _Kanda-right there!" _and Kanda's _"F-fuck, you're so tight" _while the rest of the yoga class stretched cheerfully.


End file.
